Maternity Swimsuit Shopping - Ugh

 Potter and I are taking a trip soon that requires swimwear. This is another chapter in a woman's life that is simply not fair. Maternity Swimsuit Shopping. I don't care how confident you are, it's not fun. Sure, there will be those mamma goddesses out there that view this post as superficial. Duh. Of course it is! It's bad enough when we go regular swimsuit shopping, now we have a round gut to deal with.
 The odd part is that there's a fine line between looking like a big girl in a tiny bikini or a pregnant chick. This is the one time you actually want to look pregnant in a swimsuit. You will turn to a very good friend and say, "I look pregnant in this right? Are you sure I look pregnant?"
 I do recommend maternity consignment stores, even for swimwear. There are a few in Charlotte like WOMB that are super cute.

Cat, Cow, Kegel

 I have been taking pre-natal yoga classes and highly enjoy them. At first, I was all cocky thinking this is going to be so frickin' easy, we can't do any of the hard moves! Ummm yeah, not so much. What I did not count on is the fact that you get bigger but the moves stay the same. Before you dismiss it as an easy workout, prenatal yoga is what happens if regular yoga hooked up with weight lifting after a drunk night at Whiskey River and had a baby. I know the class is going to be challenging when I hear the instructor say, "Now make room for the belly on this one."
 It's no secret, men think women who do yoga are hot. They have this visual of us wearing a tong bikini and doing downward dog in front of a tropical waterfall. And yes, that is exactly what it's like - unless it's a bunch of mom's to be then it's less graceful. We get hot faster, our balance changes daily and we suck down more water than a sea sponge. But even-though we aren't a "yoga fantasy" come true, we are hard core.  Do you think that sounds ridiculous? Talk to the blonde who was next to me today. She's a week and half past her due date and still doing full backbends in an hour long class. 

The dog likes the baby bump

My dog (Brooklyn-on left) enjoys my new baby bump. At night she has started to snuggle up against the bump, when I'm on the computer, she finds a way to cuddle on my disappearing lap. Why this sudden interest? Don't assume it's LOVE, I'm pretty sure she's just figured out the tummy is warm. 
 I did some research and discovered that it's very common for dogs to be jealous of a new baby. The experts say things like; Don't let the dog in the nursery! Play baby crying noises! Did any of these "experts" ever ask the dog? Here are 3 tips to stop the evil green monster that Brooklyn wants me to pass along.

Tip 1 - I am the only one allowed to sleep in your armpit in the big bed. That's unsafe for the baby. 


Tip 2 - If an apple chunk falls on the kitchen floor, don't feed it to the baby. I'll take it so we can avoid the choking hazard. 


Tip 3 - The newborn must be taught to throw a squeaky ball before any other life skill. Throwing squeaky balls is more important than talking, reading, walking... 

You think you're soooo funny...

I was just telling someone yesterday that I haven't felt the baby kick yet. She seemed very concerned and said, "I feel mine kick all the time! My husband loves to put his had on my tummy to feel him." I said, "Nope, no kicking here maybe they are just lazy." Now, I have seen baby x's feet move so I know it's possible, I just haven't felt anything. 
 As I slept last night at 1:30am the kid nailed me. It felt like a little foot trying to karate chop a balloon. I woke up out of a dead sleep. As I tried to fall back a sleep, I discovered the little one likes Law & Order SVU and kicked a few more times - hard enough to make my hand move. So the kid has bad timing but good taste in TV drama.

You Look All Pregnant and Shit

I now believe pregnant women receive the most backhanded compliments than another human. It's not the other persons fault, sometimes they don't even know they are being RUDE. Recently, a women who knows Potter (baby daddy) said, "Ohhh, don't you hope it looks like him?" Ummm hello? Are you saying my gene pool is defective?
 The compliments are just different when you're about to be a mom. For example, any expectant mom will tell you clothing shopping is a whole new self esteem experience. Yeah - yeah, you're growing a human being, hitting the gym and watching what you eat for the sake of your little one BUT you want to look as good as possible. You want to show off your legs and your newest accessories that suddenly make men more polite. (READ: GIGANTIC TA-TA'S) Is it vain? Hell yes. But it's true, you want someone to say, "You look fantastic!" Even if it is a dirty guy at the gas station and he's talking to your Grand Canyon of cleavage. 
 I was at one of my favorite stores (Ross) and I took a few dresses into the fitting room. When I came out to do the twirl in front of the "big mirror" the attendant was checking me out. I thought I looked OK but this is what happened next. 


HER: Nuh uh babygirl, don't get that...
ME: No?
HER: No, that makes you look all pregnant and shit.
ME: Well hell, we wouldn't want that.
HER: No offense...I'm just sayin'.
ME: Actually, I am 5 months pregnant.
HER: Oh! OK then, work it mama!

Baby Sign Language Class

I have always been interested in early childhood communication so today I took a baby sign language class. I took Potter too and that might have been a mistake. I learned a few basic baby words and the following...
1. Never learn sign language from a book, watch someone doing it in a video. 
2. Starting at birth, pick about 5 signs (for a pre-verbal kid) and do every-time you say the word. Like - Eat, Drink, Dog, Finished, More, Help and Potty.
3. Always sign with the hand you write with (when doing single signs). 
For some reason Potter is now signing to the dog, I think he missed the point of the class. 
The book/DVD - Baby Sign Language

Still Scanning Pics

Why did I think this was a good idea? In Nov. we decided to go 100% digital, that means scanning every picture we have ever owned. This is fantastic in theory but it's quite the project to make happen before the baby arrives. We are realistic, we have hundreds of pictures of Brooklyn (dog) we can only imagine how our inner Annie Lebowitz will come out once the baby is here. I have been tear apart old scrapbooks and thought I'd share some of the gems.