Mom Has Tats - Candy's Baby Blog

New Blog Location

2010-04-27T19:36:00.000-05:00

This blog has been moved to a new location since the birth of our son Beckley. Check it out here:

http://kmps.radio.com/category/blogs/candy-potters-baby-blog/

I knew i felt BIG ! It's go time!

2010-04-18T15:22:00.000-05:00

I went into the dr today and they said, hmmm when was your due date again? I said May 8th, they said no. How about today? I'M SORRY WHAT?! Apparently, my due date as been off and due to decreased fluid (I won't get into it) they decided to induce this weekend. After 24 hours of little sleep, I have been told I sept thru contractions. (Because I am pooped already from doing the show at 3am.) I have also been told I am too comfortable so they have manually broken my water (again I won't get into it). I have learned several things during my first hospital stay.
1. Food on call 24-7 is pretty sweet.
2. Getting a prenatal massage before I was admitted was the best idea I ever had. EVER.
3. Always bring chocolates from the nurses, they have given us special attention and even called us "the fun people in the room on the end."
4. There are no stupid questions.

More updates later if I can still type

I Feel Big and nothing is ready.

2010-04-17T03:18:00.000-05:00

I have had this extra big feeling lately, which I think means the baby is coming sooner rather than later. We are not ready for anything. Seriously, here is my crib....I am pretty sure this is not how it's supposed to look.

The Ultrasound Tech is not "Miss Personality"

2010-04-17T01:08:00.001-05:00

When I switched Dr's in Seattle I needed a new ultrasound so they could compare it to my old ones. I went into the appt. the tech did her thing and Potter got to see the ultrasound process for the first time. [He missed the other 2 due to work and being sick.] The day before, I was trying to talk him out of coming. You'll be bored, there's so much to do, do something else, go to a movie, I swear you are not missing anything...He insisted - so he came. The tech dryly says, lay down, this will be cold and squeezes the goo on the bump. I say, "You don't have a goo warmer?"She looks at me straight in the face and says, "it's not necessary." OK, Miss Personality. I also asked her if the office did 3D ultrasounds as a form of chit-chat because I had already had one. She said "no, we don't do 3D ultrasounds as a form of entertainment." WOW. How can you be so cranky when you are dealing with mostly excited new parents on a daily basis? I know we ask a ton of stupid questions but at least we're fun! By the way, Potter didn't hear Miss Personality - he fell fast asleep after 10 min.

The Child Birth Prep Class

2010-04-16T09:01:00.002-05:00

Potter and I attended an 8 hr childbirth prep class recently. The first thing he said when he walked in? Oh My God. Look at those 50 inch plasma TV's! He wasn't so excited after those 50 inch TV's were showing a woman's South of the Border with a baby's head popping out of it. But whatever. Here's some advice, when you go to these classes never go first when they do "introductions". Potter made that mistake. When the instructor asked him "What do you hope to get out of today's class?" He said, "I want to know about the labor process." All of the other guys said, " I want to know what I can do for her to make her feel more comfortable." For the record, I thought Potter's answer was a good one.
Brownie Points Scoreboard - Potter = 0 Other Guys = 20 [each]

IS BLACK IS OUT FOR THE BUMP?

2010-04-15T21:01:00.000-05:00

Today, The New York Times asserts that a resurgence of bright, bold clothing is a tell-tale sign that the economy is recovering. What BLACK is OUT? What about maternity wear? Let's see what we can find...

BOLD yes but wearable? Meh.

BOLD but a tad moo-moo'ish

BOLD, SEXY and HOT. Sorry NY Times, black is not out for mom's to be.

Switching OBGYN's

2010-04-06T13:01:00.000-05:00

We just moved to Seattle and are happy to be home in the rain. Because of the move, I had to switch dr's at 33 weeks. I have been told that isn't great time to switch OBGYN's but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Comparatively, the care is the same but the customer service was far better in Charlotte than what I am receiving in Seattle. [So, if you are reading this in Charlotte, I recommend Charlotte OBGYN.] But my Seattle OB office is something else. If my appointment is at 1:30pm, I will not be in to see the dr until 2:15pm without fail, they are at least 30 min late.
I needed an ultrasound done last week (just to update my records) and they had me call another Ultrasound Center to do it. I had to call 3 times to make the appointment because the receptionist didn't send my name over to scheduling at the other place. Really? Because I have 2hrs to be tracking down why your receptionist didn't send an email?
I don't mind waiting 10-15 minutes but I do mind being the only one in the waiting room and it still taking 30 minutes to get me into see the dr. for a 5 min check up.
Like I said, the care is fine but after the baby is born, I will be switching OBGYN's just because these people can't read a clock.

I have Pregnancy Turrets

2010-03-31T22:37:00.000-05:00

I realized that whilst pregnant, the average woman has something I call “pregnancy turrets”. This is an undocumented affliction [that I just made up] where we randomly say things out loud concerning our ever changing bodies. Just yesterday I was getting out of the shower and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and said, “Are my areola's two different sizes? What up with that?”

I also got out of the car today and turned to Potter and said, “You need to get me out of these jeans and I’ll be happy!” I didn’t realize there were guys working on the deck next door. I’m sure they thought, “Slow down sister, that’s what got you into that mess in the first place.”

Parking in the pregnant lady - really?

2010-03-21T12:11:00.000-05:00

Pregnant ladies should have little signs for our cars that simply say - "Please park correctly, I need the space to maneuver." I was at my new OB's office and sure enough some jackhole parked so close to my door I couldn't get back in my car. Now, I know it could have been my perception (as in the guy was parked correctly, I'm just bigger but I'm not going with that). I am sure it was entertaining watching me crawl over the passengers side of the car into the drivers seat. The best part....he walked up to his car and got in as I was doing this. I'll be honest, I hope he feels guilty.

What will you have?

2010-03-07T20:29:00.000-05:00

A Facebook friend recently sent me this chart to determine what the sex of the baby will be. Completely scientific, I'm sure. Matter of fact, I think this is the basis of sonogram technology. If you know someone who is about to have a baby, have them check the chart to see if it's right.

http://www.webwomb.com/chinesechart.htm

I'm sorry, we don't do business with pregnant women.

2010-03-07T20:28:00.000-05:00

I have been a victim of discrimination, or so I have been told. Recently, I made a dentist appointment for a cleaning at a new place. (My teeth are fine, I just needed someone to kick me in the but about my lack of flossing.) I showed up at the appointment and started to fill out my paperwork, I went to the receptionist desk and said - "I am 28 weeks along so do you have an x-ray shield big enough that will cover my stomach?" The cute blonde receptionist looked at me horrified and said, "Oh no, we don't see expectant mothers at all, we'll have to reschedule your appointment until after the baby is born. It's unsafe." This was news to me, so as I walked to my car, I called my OBGYN and asked if it was unsafe and if I was already a bad mom for wanting clean teeth. Their response was was hysterical. "What dentist office was this? I am calling them right now, that's ridiculous! How dare they!? We strongly recommend dental care during pregnancy, you can get x-rays, cavities filled...you need a new dentist! "

Little girls are snotty early on aren't they?

2010-03-07T20:27:00.000-05:00

I went to visit one of my only girlfriends that has kids. When I walked in she says, "The 18 month old is going through a clingy phase right now so she's...special." When the dictator adorable little girl woke up from her nap, she wouldn't let mom out of her sight. And if mom walked around the corner, the screaming and tears would start insantly. MAMA,MAMA,MAMA! She also had to be held by mom or dad at all times. I thought I might be able to break the spell by bribing her with chunks of fresh banana bread. As I would give her some, she'd eat it and turn dramatically away as if to say, "Ew, you're gross, I can't even look at you." She would also give me these evil eyebrows from across the room. It was very clear she'd didn't like strangers in her house so close to her mama. Of course the parents were used to this regime and just laughed it off. But I'm convinced that she knows exactly what she's doing. If you believe in reincarnation - picture the hot chick in your high school with the snotty attitude. Now picture her in pigtails and a Dora t-shirt on.

Applebee's ordered a girl.

2010-03-07T20:25:00.003-05:00

I was at Applebees recently and as my waitress took my order, the person sitting across from me said, 'Aren't you going to eat more than that? You're eating for two!" The waitress stops everything and says, "My son is 7 months old and I hate going to work everyday! The first few months are horrible but after that, you'll love it." She then asks what I'm having. I say, I don't know, what do you think? She then ordered me to stand at baby attention in the middle of the resturant so she could pull my dress tight and fully examine the bump. As my table is cracking up at my misfortune, she starts calling over other employees to get their baby opinion. Survey says, 3 out of 5 Applebee's staffers think I'm having a girl. PS - saying "wow, you're pretty round" does not increase your tip.

Is that a manatee?

2010-03-07T20:25:00.000-05:00

I recently went to Florida on vacation. It was kinda sunny but not beach weather at all. One kinda warmish day we ventured outside to experience the hotel pool. Ecpecting it to be freezing, we took the jump right in approach. Little did we know the outdoor pool was heated. Apparently, they don't feel the need to post that type of information, so inorder to have the pool to ourselves, we acted like it was cold everytime some other poor soul would step outside into the wind and rain. Are we bad people? Maybe. But we had a massive heated pool to ourselves.

During our swim I realized two things....
1. Maternity swimsuit shopping is cruel and unusual punishment.
2. I felt graceful eventhough I'm pretty sure I looked like a manatee.

Maternity Swimsuit Shopping - Ugh

2010-02-05T10:25:00.001-05:00

Potter and I are taking a trip soon that requires swimwear. This is another chapter in a woman's life that is simply not fair. Maternity Swimsuit Shopping. I don't care how confident you are, it's not fun. Sure, there will be those mamma goddesses out there that view this post as superficial. Duh. Of course it is! It's bad enough when we go regular swimsuit shopping, now we have a round gut to deal with.
The odd part is that there's a fine line between looking like a big girl in a tiny bikini or a pregnant chick. This is the one time you actually want to look pregnant in a swimsuit. You will turn to a very good friend and say, "I look pregnant in this right? Are you sure I look pregnant?"
I do recommend maternity consignment stores, even for swimwear. There are a few in Charlotte like WOMB that are super cute.

Cat, Cow, Kegel

2010-02-01T13:14:00.012-05:00

I have been taking pre-natal yoga classes and highly enjoy them. At first, I was all cocky thinking this is going to be so frickin' easy, we can't do any of the hard moves! Ummm yeah, not so much. What I did not count on is the fact that you get bigger but the moves stay the same. Before you dismiss it as an easy workout, prenatal yoga is what happens if regular yoga hooked up with weight lifting after a drunk night at Whiskey River and had a baby. I know the class is going to be challenging when I hear the instructor say, "Now make room for the belly on this one."
It's no secret, men think women who do yoga are hot. They have this visual of us wearing a tong bikini and doing downward dog in front of a tropical waterfall. And yes, that is exactly what it's like - unless it's a bunch of mom's to be then it's less graceful. We get hot faster, our balance changes daily and we suck down more water than a sea sponge. But even-though we aren't a "yoga fantasy" come true, we are hard core. Do you think that sounds ridiculous? Talk to the blonde who was next to me today. She's a week and half past her due date and still doing full backbends in an hour long class.

The dog likes the baby bump

2010-01-29T11:07:00.001-05:00

My dog (Brooklyn-on left) enjoys my new baby bump. At night she has started to snuggle up against the bump, when I'm on the computer, she finds a way to cuddle on my disappearing lap. Why this sudden interest? Don't assume it's LOVE, I'm pretty sure she's just figured out the tummy is warm.
I did some research and discovered that it's very common for dogs to be jealous of a new baby. The experts say things like; Don't let the dog in the nursery! Play baby crying noises! Did any of these "experts" ever ask the dog? Here are 3 tips to stop the evil green monster that Brooklyn wants me to pass along.

Tip 1 - I am the only one allowed to sleep in your armpit in the big bed. That's unsafe for the baby.

Tip 2 - If an apple chunk falls on the kitchen floor, don't feed it to the baby. I'll take it so we can avoid the choking hazard.

Tip 3 - The newborn must be taught to throw a squeaky ball before any other life skill. Throwing squeaky balls is more important than talking, reading, walking...

You think you're soooo funny...

2010-01-18T17:46:00.000-05:00

I was just telling someone yesterday that I haven't felt the baby kick yet. She seemed very concerned and said, "I feel mine kick all the time! My husband loves to put his had on my tummy to feel him." I said, "Nope, no kicking here maybe they are just lazy." Now, I have seen baby x's feet move so I know it's possible, I just haven't felt anything.
As I slept last night at 1:30am the kid nailed me. It felt like a little foot trying to karate chop a balloon. I woke up out of a dead sleep. As I tried to fall back a sleep, I discovered the little one likes Law & Order SVU and kicked a few more times - hard enough to make my hand move. So the kid has bad timing but good taste in TV drama.

You Look All Pregnant and Shit

2010-01-17T18:17:00.000-05:00

I now believe pregnant women receive the most backhanded compliments than another human. It's not the other persons fault, sometimes they don't even know they are being RUDE. Recently, a women who knows Potter (baby daddy) said, "Ohhh, don't you hope it looks like him?" Ummm hello? Are you saying my gene pool is defective?
The compliments are just different when you're about to be a mom. For example, any expectant mom will tell you clothing shopping is a whole new self esteem experience. Yeah - yeah, you're growing a human being, hitting the gym and watching what you eat for the sake of your little one BUT you want to look as good as possible. You want to show off your legs and your newest accessories that suddenly make men more polite. (READ: GIGANTIC TA-TA'S) Is it vain? Hell yes. But it's true, you want someone to say, "You look fantastic!" Even if it is a dirty guy at the gas station and he's talking to your Grand Canyon of cleavage.
I was at one of my favorite stores (Ross) and I took a few dresses into the fitting room. When I came out to do the twirl in front of the "big mirror" the attendant was checking me out. I thought I looked OK but this is what happened next.

HER: Nuh uh babygirl, don't get that...
ME: No?
HER: No, that makes you look all pregnant and shit.
ME: Well hell, we wouldn't want that.
HER: No offense...I'm just sayin'.
ME: Actually, I am 5 months pregnant.
HER: Oh! OK then, work it mama!

Baby Sign Language Class

2010-01-14T12:00:00.002-05:00

I have always been interested in early childhood communication so today I took a baby sign language class. I took Potter too and that might have been a mistake. I learned a few basic baby words and the following...
1. Never learn sign language from a book, watch someone doing it in a video.
2. Starting at birth, pick about 5 signs (for a pre-verbal kid) and do every-time you say the word. Like - Eat, Drink, Dog, Finished, More, Help and Potty.
3. Always sign with the hand you write with (when doing single signs).
For some reason Potter is now signing to the dog, I think he missed the point of the class.
The book/DVD - Baby Sign Language

Still Scanning Pics

2010-01-13T11:09:00.000-05:00

Why did I think this was a good idea? In Nov. we decided to go 100% digital, that means scanning every picture we have ever owned. This is fantastic in theory but it's quite the project to make happen before the baby arrives. We are realistic, we have hundreds of pictures of Brooklyn (dog) we can only imagine how our inner Annie Lebowitz will come out once the baby is here. I have been tear apart old scrapbooks and thought I'd share some of the gems.

Nope, Not May

2010-01-12T19:25:00.002-05:00

I have been told not to show this pic to anyone over 55 - it creeps them out. My due date has been pushed up to late April and I have not purchased 1 baby thing. I don't think I will until March. BTW - That's almost 2 weeks earlier than originally estimated. From now on I think they should just give out "Due Weeks" so we first timers are better prepared. I did get the anatomy scan done, Potter was sick so he missed it. Going to the OBGYN in 2010 is like a health class every visit. A little scanner can show so much! During the live DVD portion of my visit, I saw the babies heart pumping blood, the bladder and lungs working - it was amazing.
I told the tech, we don't want to know the sex. She said, "I can edit out the stills but not the DVD and trust me, everyone will see a penis on anything anyway." She explained even if it's on the forehead some knucklehead will say, "That's his thing right there!" So basically, if I really want to know, I can watch the DVD. I brought it home and Potter immediately took it and put it in a envelope and made me sign the back so I can't break the seal without his knowledge. Little does he know I already replaced the DVD with Paul Blart - Mall Cop so if I really feel like watching it, there's nothing he can do. I am sure seeing a penis on my child's forehead is better than Paul Blart.

Sad Radio Day

2010-01-07T18:26:00.003-05:00

Today, we were released from our on air duties at 1079 The LINK in Charlotte. With the current climate at The LINK, this has been something we have been planning for, so it's not a huge shock to us. The funny thing is, I called my mom to tell her what happened, and she said - "oh did you get escorted out of the building by some huge security guard?!" She was disappointed when I told her, "No, there was no manhandling of the pregnant chick." This is the way our business works so we have no hard feelings towards the LINK. I'll admit, it's odd not being on the air everyday but we have plenty to do right now BB (Before Baby).

Christmas in Cincy

2010-01-02T18:05:00.007-05:00

4 1/2 months - Christmas in Cincinnati has been great so far. Potter's mom is sick so she won't go near me but it's OK. I decided to take my diet into my own hands on the drive out and pack salads to eat. Even on the road, I cannot bring myself to eat a chicken sandwich. Ehck. It was hilarious watching Potter order a huge cheeseburger and I was sitting there chowing down on my little salad. I am sure some people were thinking, "Oh she's one of those girls." Speaking of food, I am waiting for the cravings to hit but nothing so far. I do kind of miss sushi.
We just opened gifts and stockings - it was a marathon! Somehow people got my memo, no baby gifts please. It's not that I'm not grateful but I have no storage and don't know what I need or want for the kid yet. I did get a few baby books from a friend and I love books so that's OK. My gift from Potter was amazing. Not to gush but he's pretty kick ass. Shopping and New Year's Eve in Chicago! See pics of our getaway here here - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=136878&id=676862209

Christmas Cookie Overdose

2009-12-15T03:00:00.005-05:00

21 weeks - I have insomnia but I blame the cookies. We are hosting a cookie tasting this week and I baked 10 dozen cookies so far. Chocolate Chip, Peanut Butter Kisses and Berry Squares. That is all I smell around our place - cookies. Potter even put up a tree as a surprise for me. It was 80* outside but Christmas in our tiny living room - stockings, music the whole deal. We haven’t had a tree in years because we’re always somewhere else but it was a nice surprise to see all of my ornaments I got as a kid hanging there. Now if I can only keep from getting more as gifts, we should be all set. I guess having a kid will change our traditions or lack there of. His family are all getting together at his brother's house in Cincinnati for the holiday’s this year. Hopefully, Brooklyn and Zuko (dog) will get along. We are excited to see everyone, play in some snow, and relax...[lol - Brooklyn's ugly x-mas sweater]

The Announcement

2009-12-01T20:56:00.004-05:00

This week we are telling work and announcing a “new member to the show” on Friday. One two people in the office know and they have promised not to say anything, however, they both said they are horrific secret keepers. That is not what you want to hear! Each day we thought it would be fun to give out clues on the air about who our new show member was. Some of the listeners got it right away and others thought we were re-hiring old co-workers. Finally, we announced I was expecting by having our intern read an Oscar envelope of the name. She read it an said, "Really? You are? You don't look it." She got a hug for that and if I could give her extra credit on her internship, I would have.
I also pulled a fast one on Potter. He didn't get to attend many doctors appointments so he hadn't heard the heartbeat yet. I recorded it during my last visit and sprung it on him. His eyes got huge and he said, "what is that...is...is that our baby?" [No, I broke into some other woman's appointment and said, "Can you hush for a sec? I need to record your child's heartbeat."] Needless to say, he was shocked and teary eyed. Everyone was so cool about it, our radio family was more excited than my biological family!

Is that The Turkey?

2009-11-26T17:30:00.009-05:00

17 weeks - Thanksgiving 2009 -
We went to visit my family in PA. I felt like I have been showing for the last 2 weeks so I was shocked when I kept hearing,“but you don’t look it!” I guess that’s the benefit of Facebook pics, you can always edit out your gut before you post them.
Mom was shocked at the ultrasound I showed her of the baby at 12 weeks. She said, “Who’s is this?” Then she was very happy, crying - the whole grandma deal. She also told us we would be wonderful parents. However, she was looking at Potter when she said it. Hmmm. She snapped a pic of the ultrasound and sent it to Aunt Mary Ann who replied back - Is that the turkey for later? We had to explain via text that she just called her niece or nephew a turkey. She was crying at work, people kept asking her if someone died but she was just so excited to be a great aunt.
I also tried to track down my dad/brother in Seattle but they weren’t answering their phones, so I texted my dad the news. He texted back at midnight (my time) and was very excited to be a grandpa and was sorry his missed the earlier calls. I figured he’d tell someone, while I was sleeping I just didn’t know who. My dad called my 2 year old niece and said, “Do you know what a cousin is?” My brother was in the background saying, “What the hell are you talking about are you drunk?” My only brother was a little slow to figure it out...
We have told our Charlotte friends and friends in Seattle. One of my girlfriends said, “That’s crazy! You’re in your second trimester, enjoy it, it’s all down hill from here!” I think she meant the uncomfortableness not the next 18 years.

No Gender, No Problem

2009-11-05T09:00:00.005-05:00

14 weeks - I don’t have much to write, other than I am feeling way better than I did a few weeks ago. My tummy is at 41 inches. I was so sick, then on Tamiflu, then had a flu shot, then had a H1N1 shot. We have also decided not to fid out the gender of the baby until delivery. Everyone we have told thinks that’s crazy. I keep saying my only two requirements are healthy and human. Surprise for us!

Roller Skating Party

2009-11-01T17:20:00.005-05:00

13 weeks - We went roller skating last night for our Halloween party and don't worry, I didn’t fall. We also attempted to break the World Record of doing the Michael Jackson Thriller Dance on roller skates. Yeah, your mom and dad are bitchin’. Hopefully we’ll be in the world record books in 2010! For the dance, not for having the worlds largest child.
- We are ROLLER COASTERS - get it?

I'm looking for an eyeball...

2009-10-14T08:00:00.001-05:00

11 weeks - Today I went and got my H1N1 shot. Several hospitals have been giving out the vaccine to high risk groups. We have been using hand sanitizer like crazy making sure I won’t get sick. The only thing that really makes me ill is meat and some gory stuff on TV. I watched a CSI Miami episode where they went looking for the eyeball of an accident victim to “extract the fluid” - yeah, I almost yacked. The pic is actually candy! YUM!

The lady will have salad...

2009-10-01T17:16:00.002-05:00

9 weeks - My diet has changed since last month, I can only eat salads. No meat, just salads with light Red Wine dressing. I also have cut out all caffeine and carbonated beverages. I think I have lost weight at this point, if this whole baby thing wasn't going on, this diet would rock. I know it's only a matter of time before I feel "rotund with child". We are currently debating how and when to tell people about our newest edition, I want to wait, Potter is dying to tell. The weather is starting to get a little cooler in Charlotte so wearing baggy sweaters doesn’t seem so odd. I am sure people can’t tell yet but in my head they can. I have looked in the mirror twice and said, "Do I look knocked up in this?"

Swine Flu and You...

2009-09-19T15:04:00.003-05:00

Oh and since someone in my office has swine flu, the Dr. put me on Tamiflu right away. What? Am I not suffering from enough uncomfortableness over here? Tamiflu basically makes you have the flu so you don’t get the flu. The stuff is horrible and I have to be on it for 2 weeks. So nausea, vomiting, chills the whole deal and here’s the worst part - I paid for it. So for the first part of my pregnancy, I paid to have the fake flu for 2 weeks while still working. I am going to kick patient 0 in the junk when I see him. I also put a baby conversation embargo on the husband, so he can only discuss it after work.

Rookie Dad

2009-09-18T17:56:00.002-05:00

I thought up of fun ways to tell Potter he was about to be a dad. He favorite thing ever is cookies. Not Macaroons or Ginger Snaps, I am told those are the cookies of the devil but soft chocolate chip cookies. So after absorbing the news of pending parenthood, I went to the store to pick up an obscenely large cookie and pink and blue frosting. I decorated it with two question marks and put it on the counter. He was at the gym and when he came home he said what’s this? I said oh, it’s a present. He looked at it and said ohhh cookie....wait, why is there frosting on it? I told him to pick a side - pink or blue? He suspiciously asked, why? I said, I don’t think it will determine the sex of the baby but it might. He was shocked and cried, “Really?!” After I got the first congratulatory kiss, he shouted, “My boys can swim!” Seriously?

I no say confirmed!

2009-09-17T15:56:00.002-05:00

Today I found out someone in our office has swine flu and oh yeah, Potter and I are expecting our first baby. This was shocking news and somewhat hard to understand. Not the whole birds and the bees part, I got that, I am talking about the actual doctor telling me. When you go to the doctor, they put you in the lobby to wait, from the lobby you go to the lab to wait, from the lab you go to a tiny room to wait. While all of this waiting is going on, I was thinking, what’s taking so long? Do people still get scurvy? I must have scurvy and they are trying to figure out a way to break it to me gently.
30 minutes later a nice Asian nurse came in and said, “Here is packet for confirm pregnancy, Dr. will be in minute” and slammed the door. Time stood still. She came back in and said, “Have questions?” I looked at her and said, “Umm no, I’m good. Oh wait, I do have one quickie, what’d ya’ have for lunch, just curious.... The nurse started to say salad when I cut her off. “Yes, I have questions, like what the hell are you talking about? Confirmed what? Are you saying one of the tests you did is confirmed, so I am pregnant?” No, she babbles in broken english. I no say confirmed. Yes, I said, you just said “confirmed”. No she starts again, “I no say confirmed, Dr. do exam. Have great day!” And the door shuts with a thud. The Dr. comes in 15 minutes later fresh from his golf game. He has a big smile on his face and out the door he yells, “Nurse Yin, is her pregnancy 100% accurate? And the nice Asian nurse yells angrily back, “I told confirmed!” Turns out I was 6 1/2 weeks along with a due date of May 8th.